Bringing it up

This track is open at any level. You don't have to have got anywhere solo, and you don't have to finish it either.

The hardest part is usually the first conversation.

The framing that works better

That difference is worth thinking about for a second, because it isn't just tone.

A confession asks for absolution and puts the other person in the position of judging you. Curiosity is an invitation and puts them beside you. Same information, completely different thing to receive.

Some things that help

Not in bed, not mid-anything. Sitting somewhere ordinary, with clothes on, when neither of you is expecting a conversation about sex.

Say what you're actually asking for. Vague hinting makes it bigger and stranger than it is. "I'd like to try this, would you be up for it" is a complete sentence.

Don't make it a verdict on them. This is about something you want, not something they've failed to provide. Those sound very different even when the words are similar.

Give them room to think. An immediate answer is usually a defensive one. "You don't have to answer now" is one of the more useful things you can add.

The questions you'll probably get

Worth having answers ready, because they come up nearly every time.

"Does this mean you're gay?" No, and Level 1 has the anatomy. The prostate is standard male equipment that responds to pressure regardless of who you're attracted to.

"Is it safe?" Yes, with the three rules, and you can show them the safety step. Being able to point at something written rather than improvising helps a lot.

"Is this because I'm not enough?" Worth pre-empting. It isn't, and saying so before they ask is better than answering it after.

"Do I have to do anything?" No. Plenty of couples do a version where one person is just present, which is a real option and worth offering.

If the answer is no

Then it's no, and that's a complete answer that you should take at face value.

Some people come back to it later and some don't. Pushing after a no is the one thing guaranteed to make later impossible as well.

You have an entire solo practice that needs nobody's permission. This track will still be here.

If the answer is yes

Don't do everything at once.

The most common first step guys describe is external only, no insertion, in an ordinary session. It lets both of you find out how it feels to have this be a thing you do together, without it being a big event.

The next steps cover receiving, giving, what to say afterwards, and the one conversation that actually matters, which is about stopping.