Afterwards

The bit that gets skipped, and the bit that determines whether there's a next time.

Don't leave straight away

Whatever just happened, lie still for a few minutes first.

Long sessions leave people spacey, and standing up immediately is jarring. If anything emotional turned up, and it does turn up, the worst possible response is one person going to wash their hands while the other lies there.

Stay put. Talk about nothing much for a bit.

What to say

If it went well: say so, specifically. "That worked" is worth more than enthusiasm, because it's information they can repeat.

If it didn't: also say so, gently, and specifically. "I couldn't relax tonight" or "I don't think we found it" is useful. "It was fine" is not, and sets you up to repeat exactly the thing that didn't work.

If something felt strange: say that too. Emotional responses are common, crying is common, and both are easier to sit with when they're named rather than quietly filed away by both people.

For the giving partner

Ask one open question, then let it be.

"How was that?" is enough. "Did you like it?" invites a polite yes. And if the answer is complicated, listening beats fixing.

Don't ask for reassurance about your own performance right then. It's a normal thing to want, and it puts the other person to work at the moment they've got the least available.

The practical stuff

Nobody writes this down, so:

• Toys: warm water and unscented soap, straight away rather than tomorrow. Silicone can take it. Let it dry properly before it goes away.
• Hands: wash properly, nails included.
• Towel: in the wash. Have a dedicated one, it makes everything less of an event.
• Water: long sessions are dehydrating, more than people expect.
• Peeing afterwards is worth doing, and it's normal for it to feel slightly odd for a few minutes after prostate pressure.

Aftershocks

Nobody warns anyone about this and it catches men completely off guard.

They fade. They are not a problem, and there is nothing to do about them except know they exist so you're not sat at a desk on Tuesday wondering what's wrong with you.

The related one: several men describe the first few days after something finally works as a period where their body is, in their words, feral for it. Wanting another session immediately, and another. That settles too. It is not a new baseline and it isn't a reason to abandon the rhythm from Level 6.

The next few days

Some soreness the next day can happen, particularly early on. Mild and fading is normal.

And then leave it alone

Don't debrief it to death or schedule the next one immediately.

The pressure to make this a Thing You Do Now is a good way to make it a chore. Let it be something that happened, and come back to it when you both want to.